Photo credit - Lusi

Part Four



He burnt his lip as he sipped his coffee, distracted and disgusted he threw the local paper in the bin. He didn't need to have it flaunted in his face.


The papers were calling it, the R. M. Murders, for Random Male. The town was beginning to lose it's self in fear. The streets were quiet, the pub was bare, not even the barber opened his doors.


The locals barricaded themselves inside of their homes. Detective Sergeant Floyd, had no leads, no evidence, nothing.


His thoughts were interrupted by the coffee shop door, squeaking open. He looked up, surprised to see someone brave enough to venture out. They glided in, as if sleeping beauty herself had entered, an entourage followed by chirping and attentive sparrows and the butterflies hovering ahead, attracting attention to the peachy innocence that radiated from them.


They caught him staring, mouth open, he smiled and quickly looked away. They had flashed him a provocative smile and sent him racing back to a teenage boy. He glanced over the rim of his cup and looked them up and down. He noticed he was instantly attracted, and wished he could reach the paper he threw in the bin, to hide his interest. Without a word the sisters had seized his attention.

They giggled and whispered, holding their finger a second longer in the mouth of the other as they feed each other the strawberry muffin. They knew who he was and just as a cat teasingly plays with the mouse, the sisters teasingly seduced, Detective Sergeant Floyd.

National Bilby Day

Photo credit - DERM: QLD GOV

Like most if not all true blue Aussies I am pro all things Australian. Living in a world where organisations struggle to keep finances up, we can get lost in the web of which organisations to support.



As is the Aussie way, to help one and all in times of need, I guess you need to stop and make an informed decision about which organisation you will support.


One I have chosen to support is Save the Bilby Fund.


Save the Bilby Fund


12th Sept 2010 is the National Bilby Day.


Show your support for this wonderful Aussie icon saving and protecting our little Aussie battlers.


Buy a membership or better still you can buy a panel of fencing, that help keep the Bilby's safe and nasty predators out.

Cairns Book Creators Expo

Books Books and more Books.

If you are a lover or just plan and simple interested in the written word, then you are cordially invited to the Book Creators Expo held at The Blue Mango bar (Mecure) on the 25th & 26th Sept 2010 and its FREE.

There will be:

1. Guest Speakers

2. Book Launchers

3. Book Exhibitors

4. Courses - Saturday Afternoon: Patricia Ryan

 

Courses continued: Sunday Afternoon: Hazel Menehira & Stephen Chong

Plus lots, lots more.

Check out the website under General Notices for more information.

http://www.bookcreatorscircle.com.au/a/Writers/General_Notices

Secret Santa...The Spirit of Christmas all Year Round for Small Businesses

Photo credit - balasoiu

Who loves the spirit of giving. The unselfish spirit of giving. No matter the gift given, giving is the key.

Create ongoing goodwill, generosity, altruism and giving by paying it forward all year long.

Over at imaginif  Megan Bayliss has brain stormed an amazing idea into a reality. Where small businesses get the gift of giving all year round. How and from who? You.

Don't be shy, Megan will take you through step by step what you need to do and for a mere $3.00 for a year, as they say...that's less than a cup of coffee... (see imaginif website for full details).

Merry Christmas...enjoy the gift of giving!!

The Fridge Needs a Light Bulb

The fridge needs a light bulb.


Trying to sneak a chocolatey snack from the fridge would turn out to be an epiphany I never imagined could happen. As I opened the fridge door the little light that lite the path to all glorious midnight snacks blew. In darkness I fumbled for the naughty snack and got lost in lettuce and tomato salads, I gave up and went back to bed.


For two years I put up with the darkness from the fridge. In hind sight, I dreaded opening the fridge for lack of a brilliant bright light to guide my hand.


Worthiness, a human feeling of giant portions. However as effortlessly it is to smile and brighten your day or the day of another, it is as effortless to remove worthiness from your life. You have to want it and wanted it I did. In essence I wanted a fridge that had a working light.


Every time I denied my self, every time I allowed unworthy thoughts to manifest I allowed his darkness to become true. By clinging to his subconscious thoughts, I was sinking faster than titanic.


I was self denying and censoring myself, to think the need to go with out would somehow better me than actually allowing me to have the little in life.
As some people say it is the little things in life that counts and if you think about it, if little things are one of the keys to happiness, no wonder I was so fucking sad.


I denied myself thinking I could make do with what I had and be happy with that and in any other world or circumstances that is a completely true motto for me. But the simple fact here is that I had no need to deny myself. I could afford it and had the opportunity. So what was it that stopped me from being happy. Again simple – worthiness. The negative head talk of past skeletons thrashing around and choking all my positive head talk was still ripe and I hadn't been aware of it.


But the moment that idea light bulb flashed over my head and then I literally brought that fridge light bulb I became aware of his ugliness still romping through my thoughts. As a sickle to the crop I cut those thoughts from me. The weight of sadness lifted from me like a veil from a bride. An awakening of passion to besiege me flooded through my very existence and I found myself looking into the light with a clear grasp for the first time. I wanted to run and skip and play, I wanted to shout from the roof tops and I wanted to embrace the love of my life.


My world had lifted me up and made me worthy. My worth is priceless and it is a worth worth having. I can be all I need to be and then some. I can be all you need and then some. See me for me, see me for who I truly am, see me for the reality of your life.


I am free. Free from all you said I was not, free from all you said I couldn't be, free from you is all I ever wanted to be.


My encouragement to you, is to be true to you. See your worth. Really see it. You have every possibility available to you, it is only the negativity in your head that stops you from being your dream. Find out who put it there and stop them from doing it again. Transform yourself through the worth you are. And I say this here and now, I vow that all though we have never met, I see your worth. As I see mine.


Footnote: in writing this I have had another epiphany. I got that I do not need him and never have needed him, he is now a past moment. Gone. So when I look at you, it is me that sees you.

The Fly By

The windows in the house shook as the plane flew low over the house. We all ran outside to get a better look. The plane circled and prepared to land. The pilot set the plane down on the paddock, it bounced over the small rocky terrain, before coming to a stop.


I was impressed, but the other kids just sniggled. They didn't seem to get how cool it was that we had a plane land on our farm, with no airstrip. The cockpit door opened and a short plump man got out. The other kids all laughed at the sight of him and he didn't help himself by carrying an armful of papers and folders. Especially when the wind nipped up and took a couple, which he later retrieved.


The plump little man looked confused and it was then I realised why. There was no gate to enter through and the fence was high. He looked for a way round but he seemed to think it was to much effort and with arms full he tried to step over the two strand high barb wire fence. Suddenly his face grimace he froze in mid stride. His pants were hooked in a delicate spot on the fence. All the kids busted out laughing. There in the middle of a lovely summers day, a pilot with arm full of papers and files was caught by the go nads on our two strand barb wire fence.


His faced turned red quickly and his feeble attempts to unhook himself just made the matter worse as the barbs dug into his flesh. He looked up at us kids, I could see the pleading in his eyes. I broke free from the laughing mob and went to his aid.


"Gday," I said as I reached for the papers and files.
"Hello," He embarrassingly answered.
"Got ya self caught up," I continued trying to make light of the situation to ease the embarrassment.
"Yes," The pilot replied as he ripped his pants free.
He then hoped around on one leg while trying to swing the other leg clear of the nasty barbs. Unfortunately he was to short and couldn't free himself. He lost balance and had to plant the other leg on the ground and in doing so got his pants hooked back in the barb wire.


"I'm gonna have to cut the wire to get you free," I told him "I'll be right back, just get some pliers,"
The pilot nodded, afraid to speak in case a shriek escaped from his lips.


I ran inside and put the papers and files down and then ran out to the ute and found the fencing pliers. As I ran back to were the pilot was waiting, he was now standing on his tippy toes. The barb wire had a good grip of his, umm, pants.


I cut him free and as he stepped out from his capture he straightened and smiled.
"Thank you young lady," he said.


I can still see him hopping from one leg to the other, trying to loosen the barb wires vice grip and how the other kids teased me for helping him. I wonder if he tells the story as I do.

The Rifle

The Morning was hot already and it was only 8am. Another scorcher. The quicker I checked the snare traps the quicker I could get home.

I was riding shot gun and he was driving, we pulled up at a snare and the kangaroo was dead.

Now I know some will be mortified to read this, but we lived on a farm. Unfortunately Kangaroos are known as vermin and it was a normal practice to rid your property of such. Today however I take a some what passive attitude, only because I no longer live on a farm, but I still accept that farmers rid their property's of vermin.

I got out of the old yellow range rover and took the rifle with me just to make sure the kangaroo was dead. I nudged the kangaroo with the rifle and confirmed it was dead. I then returned to the range rover and placed the rifle back. I put the butt end in first leaving the muzzle of the rifle facing me. As I put the rifle down, eight shots buzzed past my right ear. The rifle had discharged its self. Missing me by only millimetres.

I was shocked and felt the blood drain from my face as a hit of adrenalin charged through me. He sat their gob smacked, mouth open and eyes wide, just staring at me in disbelief.
"Fuck," he said "That was close,"
I tried to open my mouth to reply but my mouth was so dry I could not speak. I looked at the rifle to check if I had cocked it ready, but no it wasn't cocked. A freak chance of an accidental discharge could have proved fatal for me.

It was the rifle I had always used and like a rabies dog it turned on me. The same rifle I knew better than the back of my own hand. The same rifle that he made me pull apart, clean and reassemble with my eyes closed. The very rifle he used against me in his fits of uncontrollable rage. It had no loyalty. It was, just a weapon.

I have read and researched about accidental discharges and the sad fact is that rifles are not perfect and do have flaws. In most rifles they do not have a drop safety or a firing pin block. It seemed that the rifle fired because of the term known as 'dropped firearm'.

I know I should have gained more respect for such a dangerous unpredictable rifle, but at age fourteen you don't really think about such things.

The Sentence

This piece of writing is a work in progress.



I can not recall if I read it or some one said it to me, but I remember that sentence very vividly. It has been the life jacket to my soul. Depression is anger turned inward.
As these words entered my life, I felt different straight away.


Now before I continue, this sentence doesn't necessary apply to everyone. However, for me and the issues I faced, that sentence was the key to my survival. So this piece is about that sentence and me, no advice given here is meant for anyone other than myself. However, if you feel depressed seek medical advise.


I was a very angry young woman. But from the outside you would never have known. On the outside I painted a beautiful picture of calm. Inside I was a raging tornado.


I was blaming myself for all of what I had been through. I suffered and put myself through hell, because I believed what I had been told. I hurt and denied myself happiness, life and well being. I was on a destructive path, out of control, I just stumbled through each day. I was lost on the road to recovery.


I followed people aimlessly through their lives. Doing what I thought they wanted me to do and sometimes getting myself into such a frenzy, that I would just walk away, never to return.


For nearly ten years, I became my own ship wreck. But then that sentence came into my life and for the first time I felt a weight shift off my shoulders.


Me being me and very analytical, I tore that very sentence to shreds. I needed to know every inch of what gave that sentence such power and why was it having a profound effect on me. As a thorn in my side, that sentence made me squirm uncomfortable. But I was attracted to it, like a bug to a light.

I remember sitting outside under an old fig tree, when for the first time, I asked myself, "What was I angry at?"  With that one question I began the journey of healing. It has not always been pleasant, but it has been fruitfully. Slowly and surely I have chipped away at the answer to that sentence. I have found the power behind the words and made them my own. I have taken responsibility for my actions and gained maturity, freedom and growth.

I put the anger back on the people that I was angry at. Taking it off me and rightfully depositing it where it should have been. Suddenly day by day, the black dog became less and less and a bright wonderfully opening of possibilities arose.

I am today who I have always meant to have been. I am at peace with myself. I believe I am worthy of all that I dream of, desire and want. I create for myself a life full of abundance. My journey still travels, but it is much nicer when you own the truth.

Spider in the Loo

One day, after spring cleaning my house, I was hot, sweaty and smelly. In desperate need of a hot shower.


As the warm water massage over my tied shoulders, I let out a rejuvenating sigh. It was a heavenly feeling to let the warm water washing over me. I turned to let the water run down other parts of my body and noticed I was standing in water. The bath had begun to fill and was over my ankles. I thought, I must have left the plug in and scooped down to pull it out and drain the water. But what I felt, was no bath plug, it was hard and scratchy.


I tried to get a good grip, but it get slipping through my fingers. I dug at it with my nail and finally had enough to get a good grip. I tugged and tugged, till finally I pulled it out and there dangling before my eyes, was a black disgusting clump of hair. Horrified I threw it into the toilet bowl, thinking I'd flush it later. I went back to my water massage and forgot about the rudely interrupted moment.


About an hour later, feeling refreshed and carefree, I need to use the toilet. Waltzing into the bathroom, I promptly sat on the toilet, I needed to finish off with the paper work. I then noticed with my peripheral vision something stuck to the side of the toilet bowl. Thinking the worst, I lept out and over the toilet. I couldn't for the life of me think how that dirty great big spider got into the toilet.


I was freaked and with shorts hanging around my ankles and toilet paper still in hand, I headed for the fly spray. After all no matter how scared I was of spiders I couldn't flush it alive. I shuffled back to the toilet and from a good arms length away pointed the fly spray towards the toilet bowl and sprayed. I then used the broom handle to close the seat lid.


I decided to let the spider breath the spray in for a few minutes and to also allow myself some composure, as I pulled my pants up.


Several minutes ticked by and my curiosity got the better of me, I went for a sneak peek.


I sat up on the vanity cabinet and again using the broom handle, I lifted the lid, I could just see the hairy spider still clinging to the side of the bowl. Fuck, I thought. Well I'll just flush now anyway, good bye nasty spider. As I lent forward to flush, I kept one eye on the spider and then I busted into laughter. It was then I recognised the clump of hair I had pulled out of the bathroom drain earlier. So, my hairy spider was no more so that my hairy hair. Gees I was relieved, and thankful to my embarrassment no one was around to witness my episode.