The Fridge Needs a Light Bulb

The fridge needs a light bulb.


Trying to sneak a chocolatey snack from the fridge would turn out to be an epiphany I never imagined could happen. As I opened the fridge door the little light that lite the path to all glorious midnight snacks blew. In darkness I fumbled for the naughty snack and got lost in lettuce and tomato salads, I gave up and went back to bed.


For two years I put up with the darkness from the fridge. In hind sight, I dreaded opening the fridge for lack of a brilliant bright light to guide my hand.


Worthiness, a human feeling of giant portions. However as effortlessly it is to smile and brighten your day or the day of another, it is as effortless to remove worthiness from your life. You have to want it and wanted it I did. In essence I wanted a fridge that had a working light.


Every time I denied my self, every time I allowed unworthy thoughts to manifest I allowed his darkness to become true. By clinging to his subconscious thoughts, I was sinking faster than titanic.


I was self denying and censoring myself, to think the need to go with out would somehow better me than actually allowing me to have the little in life.
As some people say it is the little things in life that counts and if you think about it, if little things are one of the keys to happiness, no wonder I was so fucking sad.


I denied myself thinking I could make do with what I had and be happy with that and in any other world or circumstances that is a completely true motto for me. But the simple fact here is that I had no need to deny myself. I could afford it and had the opportunity. So what was it that stopped me from being happy. Again simple – worthiness. The negative head talk of past skeletons thrashing around and choking all my positive head talk was still ripe and I hadn't been aware of it.


But the moment that idea light bulb flashed over my head and then I literally brought that fridge light bulb I became aware of his ugliness still romping through my thoughts. As a sickle to the crop I cut those thoughts from me. The weight of sadness lifted from me like a veil from a bride. An awakening of passion to besiege me flooded through my very existence and I found myself looking into the light with a clear grasp for the first time. I wanted to run and skip and play, I wanted to shout from the roof tops and I wanted to embrace the love of my life.


My world had lifted me up and made me worthy. My worth is priceless and it is a worth worth having. I can be all I need to be and then some. I can be all you need and then some. See me for me, see me for who I truly am, see me for the reality of your life.


I am free. Free from all you said I was not, free from all you said I couldn't be, free from you is all I ever wanted to be.


My encouragement to you, is to be true to you. See your worth. Really see it. You have every possibility available to you, it is only the negativity in your head that stops you from being your dream. Find out who put it there and stop them from doing it again. Transform yourself through the worth you are. And I say this here and now, I vow that all though we have never met, I see your worth. As I see mine.


Footnote: in writing this I have had another epiphany. I got that I do not need him and never have needed him, he is now a past moment. Gone. So when I look at you, it is me that sees you.