The Sentence

This piece of writing is a work in progress.



I can not recall if I read it or some one said it to me, but I remember that sentence very vividly. It has been the life jacket to my soul. Depression is anger turned inward.
As these words entered my life, I felt different straight away.


Now before I continue, this sentence doesn't necessary apply to everyone. However, for me and the issues I faced, that sentence was the key to my survival. So this piece is about that sentence and me, no advice given here is meant for anyone other than myself. However, if you feel depressed seek medical advise.


I was a very angry young woman. But from the outside you would never have known. On the outside I painted a beautiful picture of calm. Inside I was a raging tornado.


I was blaming myself for all of what I had been through. I suffered and put myself through hell, because I believed what I had been told. I hurt and denied myself happiness, life and well being. I was on a destructive path, out of control, I just stumbled through each day. I was lost on the road to recovery.


I followed people aimlessly through their lives. Doing what I thought they wanted me to do and sometimes getting myself into such a frenzy, that I would just walk away, never to return.


For nearly ten years, I became my own ship wreck. But then that sentence came into my life and for the first time I felt a weight shift off my shoulders.


Me being me and very analytical, I tore that very sentence to shreds. I needed to know every inch of what gave that sentence such power and why was it having a profound effect on me. As a thorn in my side, that sentence made me squirm uncomfortable. But I was attracted to it, like a bug to a light.

I remember sitting outside under an old fig tree, when for the first time, I asked myself, "What was I angry at?"  With that one question I began the journey of healing. It has not always been pleasant, but it has been fruitfully. Slowly and surely I have chipped away at the answer to that sentence. I have found the power behind the words and made them my own. I have taken responsibility for my actions and gained maturity, freedom and growth.

I put the anger back on the people that I was angry at. Taking it off me and rightfully depositing it where it should have been. Suddenly day by day, the black dog became less and less and a bright wonderfully opening of possibilities arose.

I am today who I have always meant to have been. I am at peace with myself. I believe I am worthy of all that I dream of, desire and want. I create for myself a life full of abundance. My journey still travels, but it is much nicer when you own the truth.