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| Photo credit - Thenys |
There was nothing usual about the way the days events unfolded. It was near perfect weather wise. The tropic's in the spring could turn on fantastic sunny days with a hint of a cool breeze.
I had agreed to drop a letter off for my brother to a place where I knew that someone else would be.
I hoped she didn't think I was following her. I wasn't stalking her but I wanted to make it look like an accidental meeting if we did bump into each other. I'd act all coy saying I'd forgotten she'd be here.
I was a little embarrassed too. I was total in love with this women. The way She plays with her long black hair and circles it around her finger. Her beautifully green eyes brighten as she smiles. Never before had I experienced such feelings.
As I stood out front and stared at my reflection in the automatic opening doors I thought, I'll just walk in real quick, drop the letter and walk out. Quick as a flash she won't even know I was there.
I took a deep breathe and walked in. I wish I could of hit reverse and backed straight out but as the young man spun around and pointed his gun at me I felt a knot tighten in my stomach. It tightened not for me but for those I had not seen.
The look on his face showed astonishment. It was obvious when he was planning his day he had not factored in that someone could walk in behind him.
“Fuck” he swore.
Fuck, I thought.
His hand was shaky, sweat beaded on his forehead and he hadn't shaved for days. When he spoke there was a definite nervous crackle in his voice.
“Who the fuck are you?” he demanded.
“I'm Jilly...I'm just quickly dropping this letter off for my brother,” I noticed the nervous crackle in my voice too.
He dropped his eyes to the envelope I held in my hand and then using the gun he beckoned me in.
I put the letter on the counter and when I turned back my heart sunk. There was a group of about ten people sitting on the floor. They were huddled together some whimpering in fear and others dumb struck by it. I swallowed a large hard lump that found it's way to my throat. There she was, sitting with her knees up tight close to her chest. She looked and caught my eye. Her stare was one of confusion as to why I was there and then to concern as I stood two feet away from the gunmen.
I looked at her and hoped my expression told her it was going to be ok. I half smiled. My first instinct was grab her and run. But this young man stood in my way. I looked back at him his blond hair all messed up and his eyes dark from lack of sleep. Pure adrenalin kept him upright.
Suddenly reality check slapped me in the face and I could again see my reflection in the automatic doors but when I looked at him the reflection did not change. I saw my own mirror image of a time I too stood in his shoes.
The protector in me was always a strong reaction and feeling that I had nurtured from a young age. Thinking back to a time when at school I would protect the young school children from the bully's. Nearly everyday going home with a bruise or two from a fight. It was automatic like the doors, a finely tuned sensor of emotions to save not only the hostages but the young man as well.
I leaned into him and whispered “hey this is really gonna sound nuts but you know twenty years ago when I was your age I wanted to do this,” he frowned at me confused, I continued “I wanted to kill someone,” his confusion turned quickly to intrigue and he prompted to ask who but no words uttered from his dry mouth. I took a step closer and answered his wordless question “my uncle.”
He glanced at the huddle of people on the floor and I took another step closer “he raped me,”
The young lad looked back at me and for a glimpse I thought I saw compassion in his eyes.
Frightened and confused he stepped toward me and pressed the gun to my stomach. His eyes searching mine for truth. Telepathically I told him my story...I had dreamt I had envisioned I had chosen to do what this young man was doing twenty years ago. I had plotted to kill the man that stole my life. I had been in pain and just like the young man frustrated and confused. I had planned it and I was prepared to go to jail for it...
I looked at the young man as if seeing him for the first time. I felt compassion sweep through me for the lost feeling he was experiencing, the feeling of utter hopelessness, despair and guilt. He was suffering from the effects of another person not taking responsibility for their actions and he was suffering the consequences as if they were his own.
I told this young man the plot I had planned the term of jail I was prepared to endure the regret of decisions and then I told him why I had not followed through with murder.
“You are angry but not at these people, you are angry at someone else who makes you feel insignificant and unworthy” I paused “you are not to blame for this you must put the anger back onto the person who has hurt you.”
He dropped his hand and removed the gun pointing at my stomach. He looked at me and then turned his back to me and placed the gun to his temple. Shit no I thought not like this.
I ran forward and put one arm over his shoulder and the other around his waist and bear hugged him. I felt him quiver in my arms as his knees buckled from under him and he collapsed to the floor.
I looked over at the crowd of hostages and every one was looking at me. Stunned by the scene that had just unfolded before them. I nodded for them to go outside and one by one they got up. As she walked passed me she stopped and looked at me her eyes beguiled by the event she had witnessed. I smiled at her and ushered her to go outside.
I sat down next to the young man the gun laying between us.
“You know that the police will come and want to talk to you,”
He nodded.
“Don't be afraid this is how your healing begins,”
He looked at me and the tears in his eye's told me his story.
Alternate ending....
I ran forward and put one arm over his shoulder and the other around his waist and bear hugged him. I felt him quiver in my arms as his knees buckled from under him and he collapsed to the floor.
I looked over at the crowd of hostages and every one was looking at me. Stunned by the scene that had just unfolded before them. I nodded for them to go outside and one by one they got up. As she walked passed me she stopped and looked at me, her eyes beguiled by the event she had witnessed. I smiled at her and ushered her to go outside.
Covered in his blood, tears swelled in my eyes, as I held his body in my arms, I swore to the young man his abuser would not go unpunished, somehow and by some means I would tell his secret.
