The city sparkled on that crisp clear night.
A celebration of parties danced and laughed through the last minutes of the year.
The count down began...12, 11, 10, 9...
The year had been ferocious. It had taken more than it was entitled. None more so than from Taylor.
Taylor had accepted the promotion, it was a five year plan dream come true. The ad agency was thrilled to have her amazing portfolio in their high pedigree stables. However, moving to the city from the small country town she grew up in, was a rough transition. It was meant to be a new start, new city, new career.
The last day of the year is meant to be jubilating, a time of reflection and new year resolutions. Of affirmations and joy. But it didn't start that way for Taylor. The fiancee she had left behind, had turned up on her door step, flowers in hand. Begging her to come back. They could get married tomorrow, New Years day. Romantic, he said desperately.
Taylor spent the morning consoling him. She explained why she didn't want to marry. She was career driven and he was not. She waved good bye to him from her door way.
The phone rang, her boss. A million dollar client wasn't happy with an ad release. Taylor's boss pleaded with her for damage control. I have my family to be with, you don't, he said. She spent the afternoon, wining and dining and selling her soul, to keep the old buzzard happy. Finally, home. Hot shower, dress and taxi to the party.
...8, 7, 6...
Taylor stood near the full wall windows and gazed out. Red wine in hand, she marvelled at how beautiful the bridge looked at night. Not one noisy car in site and all decked out in lights.
...5, 4, 3...
Suddenly fear surged through her body and a cold sweat shook her. Covering her mouth, she silenced a scream. The figure of a person standing atop the bridge caught her eye.
...2, 1...Hap....pee New Year...The room cheered and laughed and shouted. People grabbed strangers and friends alike and traditionally...The fortune of luck be upon them...kissed the New Year in.
The fire works erupted, lightning the bridge in all its glory.
No one saw the body fall.
Read More: http://imaginifbusiness.blogspot.com/2010/06/steelers.html
You're getting quite adventurous and really bridging out (hehehe) with your style and characters. I am liking that shift from a solo concentration on life writing. I bet if I read your tea leaves they would say you were looking forward rather than back ;)
ReplyDeleteCouple of things to watch: make sure your character's lives are realistic. I don't think it's possible to get married the following day - do you know all the paperwork that has to be done to get married (I've done it three times so am quite familiar with the process)! However, you may have done that to showcase the impulsive nature of a man against Taylor's five year plan.
Sentences must be meaningful to the reader (and show don't tell). Rewrite this one - Waving good buy [spelling] from her door way, the phone rang, Her boss. and this one that starts with an incorrect preposition when it may be better as a definite article, As fire works erupted, lightning the bridge in all its glory. If I change the As to The it makes it a readable sentence and leads in beautiful to the last gripping action of suicide.
Clear as mud????
Ok I have made a few changes, better??
ReplyDeleteOh yes please, read my tea leaves again...
The intent for the ex fiancee was deperate, so I added that word to make it seem so.
In regard to the realistic characters, I was invisioning a bridge, say, in New York or Las Vegas, were marriage can be done on the side walk. But I see your point.
I did enjoy writing this piece and feel I can continue with it...example...they find the body who could be her ex fiancee...ect ect...
Yep...clear as mud, Thanks Megan
Much better. Your paragraph split around the phone ringing is ten times better.
ReplyDeleteGood point about being urgently married in some of those American states...but...make sure the language and culture of your piece then reflects it is all American (words like taxi verses cab for example).
And now I must away to complete my Master's modules AND write a guest post about picture prompts for Our Little Books. They want to feature WPD on Wednesday so be sure to have your best piece up.
I've had a same day marriage, paperwork and all. (right over the bridge from new york into canada. drove overnight, paperwork during the day, married in the early evening) (we had been coming all the way from jersey too!)
ReplyDeleteThat said ;)
This was a fun read! Very creative and to me, a powerful underlying statement.
Isn't it amazing how culture and legislation impacts upon our writing - writing around what we know in our world. One thing I know for certain is that I WILL NEVER GET MARRIED AGAIN!
ReplyDeleteI am really getting into research around my pieces. I like learning anyway but researching an idea for my writing is exhilarating.
Hi Becca,
ReplyDeleteWow I think I know the bridge you mean, its a big cement structure. I havn't been married and long for the adventure. Thanks Becca your words of encouragement and critical friend are most appreicated. :)